So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Randomize
