Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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