What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
