Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
