peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
