he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
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