i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
