that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I need water and some morals
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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