just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
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