It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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