I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
