Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
