im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
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