dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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