My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
