I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
