Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
