The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Pappa wants mamma naked
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
