I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize