Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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