theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
