Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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