He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
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