I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
