He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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