i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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