last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
I'm bleeding and have questions
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
