Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
