so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
