He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
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