I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
