Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Still dying that you shit outside
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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