Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
