i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
