remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
