Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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