She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
