I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
