Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
Randomize
