cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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