Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She just used a chaser for red wine.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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