we have officially lost it.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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