I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
