just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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