Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize