I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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