i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
