I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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