like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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