I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Randomize
