If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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