brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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