Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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