Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
