Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
