I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
