What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
