am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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