worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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