i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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