i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
