I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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