you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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