At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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