hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
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