you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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