i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
