Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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