You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
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Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
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You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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