he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
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