in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Randomize
