saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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