I cannot find my penis.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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