I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
