he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
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Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
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