its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I got inside last night via doggy door
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
