dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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