forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
