hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
