Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Randomize
