If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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