Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
